Contemplation

Posted: January 22, 2013 in Blogging
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Ask anyone I know if I love my job and you would probably get a resounding “yes.”

That being said, within the last week, I’ve been considering trying to find a new one. It isn’t because I don’t like my job. I just feel like I’m getting the short end of a very hectic stick. Things fall to me when I’ve been told repeatedly that I won’t have to deal with them. This may not be a huge problem, but I’m getting very tired of having to deal with these extra things. Well, yes, I know that being an adult and having a job means you sometimes have to deal with these kinds of things and I’m trying to be incredibly patient about it all. There are several other steps I will have to go through before I can even think about taking this path so it may take so long that everything will be fine when I get to that point. I’m also going to need the help of my husband-to-be in order to get the studying I need done. If, when all is said and done, I get back to a point where I don’t feel like abandoning ship when I finish my trail then I won’t. If I do still feel this way, then I will. That is something that will probably be addressed when the time comes (if it ever does since I’m lazy).

With that said, I’ve also been contemplating this whole move that is about to happen. I literally have two weeks until we’re going to be moving into our new place. I’m really excited about this. I’m going to get to wake up every day with my man and this is a good thing. I’ve been cold without him. All jokes aside, I really have gotten to the point where I genuinely miss him when he is gone. This time last year, missing him was a different feeling than it is now. I choose to describe it as then it was more of me placating him by saying I missed him. Now, I am completely and utterly sincere when I say I miss him. The companionship that I get when I’m with him is wonderful. He’s always so full of jokes and adventure. Every day is a good day with all the adventure.

I’ve had at least one person tell me to “stop and smell the roses,” but I’ve had fifteen months to smell the roses and they’ve only gotten sweeter. I know I sound like the sappiest woman in the world, but I haven’t had this kind of happiness in my entire life. Days that I thought were happiness were merely contentment. This is actual happiness and, at times, it is overwhelming. I’ve always cried when I’m happy and I have cried a lot lately. Part of it is PMS, but there’s a good chunk of it that’s just happiness.

Other than a few hiccups every now and then (like how I’m feeling about work), everything seems to be falling into place. I know there will be issues, but I’m dealing with someone that likes to tackle issues like a rational adult. That’s really rather refreshing, but hard for me. I’m just not used to sitting down and discussing something. My family was nearly a totalitarian regime. Well, it was more like a corporation. My mother described our family unit as that once before. My father, the main money maker, was the CEO which meant he made the most important life-changing decisions. My mother, the woman behind the man, was the CFO. She kept track of the finances and told my dad we would do what he wanted while circumventing anything that was too difficult and doing what we really wanted to do anyway. My brother and I were the peons. We were the ones that were subjugated and had to do what the bosses said (no matter how stupid we thought it was). Even when I describe our home like that, I really have fond memories of home and being there. My parents were loving and, for the most part, understanding. They have their flaws, but doesn’t everyone? I was lucky to have a great set of parents that have managed to stay together and work out their problems together. I base all my ideas about family on them and I think I have a great example.

I’m rambling again, but it’s only because I’m sleepy.

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