Wedding Planning and Marriage

Posted: May 17, 2013 in Blogging
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Because of my own inability to get organized, I recently drafted my mother as my wedding planner. I have no clue what I’m doing. They say that every little girl plans their wedding day, but clearly “they” did not understand that I’m a science dork that cared more for learning and sports than I ever cared about my wedding day. I never really saw myself getting married. My dad asked me Tuesday about marriage and I said that, “It seemed like a good idea.” For the most part, it still does. I see myself spending a very long time with my man and so why shouldn’t we be married?

This raises a very important question to me. Why am I allowed to get married? I am neither religious nor planning on having children, but it is perfectly okay for me to get married to my fiance’. This is because we are a heterosexual couple. Most of the arguments I hear against homosexual marriage have to do with reproduction and religion so, honestly, should he and I be allowed to marry if we fall under neither of these categories? I am living proof as to why those arguments are invalid and why marriage, as an institution, should be considered a legally binding agreement between two adults. If you’re worried about the sanctity of marriage, just take a look at the people you know who have been divorced and remarried at least three times. They are the ones who ruin the sanctity of marriage. A homosexual couple who have been together longer than you’ve been alive deserve the right to have that love declared valid. They deserve the right to be at their loved one’s bedside in a time of bitter illness and possible death. More than anything, they deserve the right to have what everyone else has in a country that was founded on freedom and equality. Period. /soapbox

I used to not think about things like that, but with so many good people in my life who just happen to be gay, I get to thinking about it. To be honest, I might have ignored the plight of the gay community had it not touched me in such a personal way with my own family. It just wasn’t “my problem.” Well, now it is. I keep a bit of an eye on gay news now, more than I ever did before. I cheer for equality and, now that I’m registered, vote for progressive measures that would right the backwards world I live in here in the south. My eyes are opened to the problems faced by those who aren’t straight and I support any friend who needs it. My support has been enough that someone who I have known for several years has even come out to me as transsexual and, while it was strange to hear, the fact that I was one of the first people they told made me feel honored. They knew I would never hate them for being who they are and it makes me proud to have overcome a few of my own prejudices.

So, back to planing my wedding. I really have no clue what to do, My mom kept asking questions and I kept answering with a resounding, “I don’t know.” I’ve never done this before. I’ve never had to. As I said, I never thought I’d actually get married. I have a few things in my head that I want, but it’s more about the people there than the wedding itself. I want my friends in charcoal gray suits. I want a slight superhero theme. Nothing too fancy, but I kind of do want fancy. I don’t know. That’s why someone else needs to plan the thing. Jesus.

I think that, more than anything, I’m just scared. As it draws closer and closer, I get more anxiety. I get angry at people for no real reason and little things are starting to annoy me more. I don’t know why I should be frightened of something so simple, but everyone keeps telling me the same thing: Everything changes. I don’t want everything to change. I want everything to stay the same as it did before. I don’t want our lives to be turned so far upside down that things get worse before they get better. I want our lives to be the same and for us to just be happy. If everything changes, then I don’t know if I can be happy that way. I don’t do well with big changes. I never have. I just hope that I can handle the anxiety as things get closer.

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