Lee has decided to go to bed early and that leaves me sitting and watching YouTube alone. I could head to bed as well, but he went to bed after I whined and so I can only assume that I’ve done something. Rather than crawl straight into bed with him, I’m going to give him his space and allow him to get to sleep before I go in there.

The past week has been full of things happening.

We bought a new 1080p television. I think it’s 50 inches. I can’t remember and I’d have to go into the cat’s room to see the box. This means we’ve joined the HD age. We’ve had older televisions that have given us trouble with HD text on our games. It’s annoying and it’s actually stopped me from playing several of our games (Mass Effect being one of those). It has been really nice playing our games on the new television. I’ve thoroughly enjoyed it. It will also make the wedding party happier, because we can spread out to watch television.

Friday night, I hurt my back while I was at work. I tried to tough it out, but I couldn’t handle it. I was off the rest of the weekend, because of that. It was nice to have some time off, even though I couldn’t really move for two days, and it further proves that I should trust my gut. For the first time in a while, I actually was full of dread before heading to work Friday. Not only did I pull my back out, but I heard it was a horrible weekend. A lot of technical issues with my analyzers. I wouldn’t have half as many problems fixing them as the girl that was there, but I have a lot more experience with the analyzers and how to handle them. I’m not saying it wouldn’t have been difficult, but I am saying that I probably would have handled it easier.

Yesterday, a good friend of mine came home from St. Louis. He sent me a text around two pm and, while we haven’t gotten to meet up just yet, I’m hoping to go see him sometime this week. Today is his birthday and I’m flat broke. I hate that. We’d all go to dinner if it wasn’t for that. Maybe he could come to the house and I’ll cook dinner? That might be a plan. I don’t know. He brought one of his friends down with him and so I don’t know what’s going on for sure. We’ll just have to see. Those plans are still up in the air really.

My mom sent me a text and cancelled our plans to meet to plan the wedding Thursday. She had me to call her so I did when I got up Monday. Turns out that she’s going with my aunt Thursday. She has to have some scans done and a spinal tap. Those are brutally painful and so my aunt won’t be able to drive home. They’ll probably stay the night and this is 100% more important than planning my wedding though I can’t help, but feel like, once again, my aunt is trying to steal everyone’s thunder. I know that makes me a bad person, but she’s always been like that. The funny thing is that I told my mom that something had to be wrong with her. My aunt recently decided to file for divorce from my uncle. Around the same time she has bought a new car, bought new clothes, lost a hell of a lot of weight, and changed her hair. These are all signs of a midlife crisis to me. Now we find out that she’s got these spots on her brain and, lo and behold, that answers the question for me. I really did tell my mom something was wrong. I just knew it in my gut.

My brother called me today and he got the new job he was apping for. They were super impressed with his professional grade resume book (he’s a graphic artist) and he’ll be starting soon. The little rat is going to be making around 40k a year and, while I’m super stoked for him, I’m kinda sad for me. I should be making a hell of a lot more than I’m making, but I made the choice to stay where I am, because it’s comfortable and reasonably safe for me. I do expect a super-excellent wedding present though. That’s the upside.

So that’s what I’ve been up to all week. I’ve had really good things and really shitty things all around. I’ve been trying to take things one day at a time and be thankful for the good things while taking deep breaths when the bad things come around. I’ve been more conscious of my anger and trying to step it down when things go wrong. It’s been really hard, but I’m trying. I am satisfied with the way I have slowly started to reclaim my life as my own. I don’t always feel as if I’m hiding from my past, but there are days when I feel like I’m still running from the pain. Being with Lee has forced me to address emotions and memories that I’ve chosen to block out. It’s a good thing, but it’s a hard thing and I’m glad I have him to help me. Once my emotional and mental issues are conquered, I might be able to work on my body issues. I’m still working on them. It will just take time.


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