Posts Tagged ‘blessed’

Isn't it glorious?!

The tree my husband brought home.

I was talking to my husband today before he went to work and said that we should have a Christmas tree for our apartment. I decided that, for some strange reason, I really did want a tree. I guess I figured that, since this was our first Christmas as a married couple, I’d really like to have a tree to mark the occasion. He was against it. He didn’t want to deal with the trouble of a tree and I don’t blame him.

See, I don’t usually like Christmas trees. They’re too much trouble to put up and they’re only up for such a short period of time that I don’t typically care to do it. I usually just go to my parents’ house and help my mom with their tree the week after Thanksgiving. (She likes that.) We go help my husband’s mother with her tree when we get a chance. It’s just what we do.

This year, I guess I want it to be different. I think that, this time, I want to start our own traditions. I don’t want to stick with the old traditions of our old families. We’ve started a new family so new traditions are in order. Of course, I’m still going to stick with the old traditions a little. The “birthday box” will be welcomed with open arms. I tend to parrot my mother’s old “hoppy bird-day”joke whenever there’s a birthday in my group of friends and family. Otherwise, I’d like to see if we can make our own things happen. I don’t want our lives to be split between his family and mine. I want our lives to be our lives. I’m fighting to make it that too. I will not accept someone else ruling our life together. I love both our sets of parents, but he is mine and I am his. We are no longer just their children. We are a unit, a husband and wife, and we will do things together in our own way.

So, I made dinner tonight like normal. I played games with my buddies online. (Iron Brigade, the current free game on Xbox Live, is quite amazing. I’m loving it.) By midnight, I couldn’t figure out where my husband was, but I really wasn’t worried. Sometimes he’s a little late due to a long phone call or he goes by his parents’ house to pick something up. I did get a cryptic message asking if I preferred stars or angels, but I figured he was getting me something either Christmas-y or for Christmas so I didn’t think anything about it. When he got home from work, he opened the door and a long box was over his shoulder. My charming husband had brought me home a Christmas tree! There wasn’t much with it—two strands of tinsel, a tree skirt, and a box of five ornaments—but that’s not what matters. What truly matters is that my husband loves me so much that, even though he didn’t want to have one, he bought me a Christmas tree. I won’t lie, I cried when he sat it down. I didn’t cry, because I was upset. I cried, because I was happy. I do that. I don’t understand it, but I do it. I was so overcome by the happiness of the moment and cried.

Yoda from Star Wars: The Clone Wars

Yoda from Star Wars: The Clone Wars.

Thankfully, at his mother’s advice, he picked out a tree that was pre-lit with multi-colored lights so I didn’t have to do that part. I did manage to string the two strands of tinsel around to where they look decent. I put up the five Star Wars ornaments that he brought home and the tree still looks kind of naked, but we’ll fix that. We’ll add more ornaments every year until we have a tree full of gaudy bobbles. I’m all for the thing looking hideous due to having too many ornaments that don’t match at all. I’m one hundred percent ready for it.

So now, we have this neat little tree up in our living room. The cat has already tried to get under it and look around, but I’ve chased him off of it. I really don’t want him to knock it down. I worked damn hard on this thing and I’m proud of our little tree.

I look at this tree and I see the love that my husband has for me. He didn’t want a tree, but I expressed a need for it and he got it for me. That’s how I know our love is real.

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It’s been over a month since I made any entries into my blog and, well, I have no real reasoning behind it. There was a two week period where I have a decent excuse with the wedding and all, but the rest is just, because I didn’t really feel like writing anything. I mean, I did feel like writing, but I didn’t feel like putting out the effort to put anything down onto media.

So, the week of our wedding was full of celebration and camaraderie. We had such a wonderful time with our friends and, even though our house was full to the brim with bodies, I felt so at home with all those folks. It was an experience that I hope to have again sometime with my friends. We’re all so close and that only proved to draw us closer. We played a few rounds of laser tag and my city friends got to explore the area that I grew up in. They had banjos and hillbilly accents in mind, but found that my tiny city in the south could be a pleasant experience. Several of them have decided that they’re going to come and visit again. I’m looking forward to that.

Pictures from the wedding…

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It’s been quite a while since I’ve written anything about myself or the wedding. Things are going okay and there’s only been a few hiccups. The biggest one is that my Man of Honor just backed out of being in the wedding due to personal problems. I’m not upset at him, because he’s having some seriously rough times right now, but now I feel like I have to start all over. I am considering asking a friend’s girl to take his place though I think my brother wins the prize and gets to be my Man of Honor (just like he wanted to begin with). I think my buddy’s girl would be happy to be in the wedding, even if she’s an alternate. Plus, she could walk out with her man and it would be adorable. I sent a message to my friend to see if he’s super serious about backing out, even if I volunteer to pay for his tux, and if he is then I’ll message my buddy’s girl and see what she says. She’s got five weeks to get a nice dress and she was wanting to do that anyway so it’s not a problem.

The flowers are all done. I’ve ordered my cake toppers. My man’s ring is in. Other than the fact that  my mother doesn’t seem too keen on sharing what’s going on, we’re just about finished. My dress is slated to be in on October 1st and that’s the day of my fitting. My mother is taking off that day to go with me and do my hair. My future mother-in-law will be off that day as well so I’ve invited her to come with us since she hasn’t seen the dress up close. We’re going to spend the day doing wedding things and, hopefully, I’ll get to take a look at what she has planned. I’m really worried that it’s going to look like a bad prom. That’s my biggest fear. Otherwise, I’m ready to get this show on the road. 🙂

Lee has decided to go to bed early and that leaves me sitting and watching YouTube alone. I could head to bed as well, but he went to bed after I whined and so I can only assume that I’ve done something. Rather than crawl straight into bed with him, I’m going to give him his space and allow him to get to sleep before I go in there.

The past week has been full of things happening.

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My manly man and I did some more wedding planning this week.

I woke up to go to a meeting on Tuesday and found him gone at one in the afternoon. I had a slight panic moment, but I thought maybe he went to work early. I shot him a text and he called me while I was on the way to my meeting. He had gone to do some wedding footwork before work and got better quotes on the tuxes for the wedding. Seven tuxes, grey in color and including all the odds and ends, will cost about $960. That’s the best quote he had. Honestly, out of all the expenses, we’re only asking the guys to pay for their travel and their tuxes. I don’t see that as entirely unreasonable.

I’m starting to look forward to the wedding. We went together Wednesday to look at the church and talk to the gentleman who was running things. They’re in the middle of changing pastors so they don’t have a dedicated pastor, but it turns out the man he was wanting to marry us is their current pastor. I took this as a wonderful sign of fate and I’ve urged him to call him and speak to him about it. I know he’s looking forward to the wedding even more now. The church isn’t going to charge us anything and it is a super huge place. It will be a wonderful wedding.

I called my mother and let her know. She was happy that I was happy, but now more questions have been raised. Do we want to have the reception on site or off site? Are we having dinner or just a cake/cookie kind of reception? When are we going to do the photos? Ugh. So much to do and so little time to do it. I’ve got to get my invitations out soon so I’m going to have to start collecting addresses as soon as possible. I will probably start sending out messages and calling people this week in order to get that worked out.

Such a mess. I hope I can survive it all.

It’s payday again and, well, the money is already spent. Again. For two checks in a row, I’ve had to pay bills and use pretty much every dime to make sure the bills were paid. I didn’t realize just how much it would be for us to live where we live. Were it not for the fact that my man gets our satellite for the price of working where he works then we wouldn’t have it at all. The internet alone is nearly seventy dollars (middle of fucking NOWHERE), but we use it more than we use the actual television. I mean, I use the TV now, because I now have several primetime shows that I love. Arrow, Supernatural (more him than me), Psych (I don’t like this one at all), and The Science Channel (definitely my channel) fill our home weekly. I am DEEPLY in love with Arrow. I have been following it since day one and enjoy the hell out of it. The season finale is next week and, Jesus, I’m looking forward to it. That’s well beyond the point I’m making, but I must spread the world of the great Green Arrow and how awesome they’ve made him on The CW.

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I haven’t blogged in a month and, honestly, I have no real excuse.

Oh, I can give you excuses (I was sick; my man was sick; I was busy; I was tired; I was depressed), but none of them really amount to much considering all I have to do is drop a short paragraph into this thing and, ta dah!, I’ve blogged. There are so many things I’d like to talk about without really talking to anyone about them. My wedding. My feeling of failure. My constant feelings of dissatisfaction and malaise. Above all, my intense anger over any and everything that isn’t how I expect it to be. Lately, the anger itself has given into the malaise and boredom, but I’d prefer the anger just because it’s an actual feeling.

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