Posts Tagged ‘gaming’

I found out tonight that a friend of mine passed away in his sleep Friday night. When my husband told me, I didn’t believe it. I had to get my phone out and check his Facebook feed for myself. It was fully of sympathy notes and memories of a man almost three years younger than I am. I cried. In fact, I’m still crying. I hadn’t known my friend Matthew for very long, two years at most, but the loss was felt instantly.

I met Matt on Xbox LIVE. I don’t really remember how we met. I think my friend Chris had met him and brought him into our circle of folks that we routinely play Xbox with. I loved him instantly. If he was good enough for “The Circle,” then, of course, he as good enough for me. Matt was always fun and lively. He was always supportive and would have a kind word to say to you when you were down. We played so much Gears of War together that I considered him a well-tested “brother in arms” when it came to video games and Gears of War. He eventually drifted toward being “PC exclusive,” but we continued to chat on Facebook and Skype whenever we could. The last interaction I had with him was nothing spectacular. I had made a reference to the wonderful batch of lasagna that I made Thursday night and he had commented on how it sounded delicious. Oh, it was delicious and how I wish I could’ve sent him some.

Matthew Morley was from Australia, but his friendship crossed oceans and touched hearts around the world. He was an avid Final Fantasy XIV player and loved Final Fantasy XI and Phantasy Star Online 2. He challenged SEGA to bring their Japan-only exclusives to English-speaking fans with letters and petitions. He loved small furry creatures and cherished his dog Ying Yang. He like a bright light in your life when you were having a dark day and asked for nothing in return.

A bright and shining figure in the dark.

July 12, 1984 – November 16, 2013 — You will be missed, sir.

I decided to write his father a letter since I couldn’t do the Southern tradition of sending food to the family of the person that has passed. I was really unsure, but I did it anyway. I hope that my letter is well-received by his dad. I know that his dad has trouble using Facebook and I really wanted to offer my sympathy to him. Browsing the memorial posts has let me know that Matt’s mother also passed away some time ago so this man has lost not only his wife, but also his son. It’s heartbreaking and I hope that they are able to recover from it.

I hope that I can cheer up before we go to town tonight for Ender’s Game and the Xbox One release, but I don’t know. I’ll try, but it might be a bit before I’m okay with it.

Isn't it glorious?!

The tree my husband brought home.

I was talking to my husband today before he went to work and said that we should have a Christmas tree for our apartment. I decided that, for some strange reason, I really did want a tree. I guess I figured that, since this was our first Christmas as a married couple, I’d really like to have a tree to mark the occasion. He was against it. He didn’t want to deal with the trouble of a tree and I don’t blame him.

See, I don’t usually like Christmas trees. They’re too much trouble to put up and they’re only up for such a short period of time that I don’t typically care to do it. I usually just go to my parents’ house and help my mom with their tree the week after Thanksgiving. (She likes that.) We go help my husband’s mother with her tree when we get a chance. It’s just what we do.

This year, I guess I want it to be different. I think that, this time, I want to start our own traditions. I don’t want to stick with the old traditions of our old families. We’ve started a new family so new traditions are in order. Of course, I’m still going to stick with the old traditions a little. The “birthday box” will be welcomed with open arms. I tend to parrot my mother’s old “hoppy bird-day”joke whenever there’s a birthday in my group of friends and family. Otherwise, I’d like to see if we can make our own things happen. I don’t want our lives to be split between his family and mine. I want our lives to be our lives. I’m fighting to make it that too. I will not accept someone else ruling our life together. I love both our sets of parents, but he is mine and I am his. We are no longer just their children. We are a unit, a husband and wife, and we will do things together in our own way.

So, I made dinner tonight like normal. I played games with my buddies online. (Iron Brigade, the current free game on Xbox Live, is quite amazing. I’m loving it.) By midnight, I couldn’t figure out where my husband was, but I really wasn’t worried. Sometimes he’s a little late due to a long phone call or he goes by his parents’ house to pick something up. I did get a cryptic message asking if I preferred stars or angels, but I figured he was getting me something either Christmas-y or for Christmas so I didn’t think anything about it. When he got home from work, he opened the door and a long box was over his shoulder. My charming husband had brought me home a Christmas tree! There wasn’t much with it—two strands of tinsel, a tree skirt, and a box of five ornaments—but that’s not what matters. What truly matters is that my husband loves me so much that, even though he didn’t want to have one, he bought me a Christmas tree. I won’t lie, I cried when he sat it down. I didn’t cry, because I was upset. I cried, because I was happy. I do that. I don’t understand it, but I do it. I was so overcome by the happiness of the moment and cried.

Yoda from Star Wars: The Clone Wars

Yoda from Star Wars: The Clone Wars.

Thankfully, at his mother’s advice, he picked out a tree that was pre-lit with multi-colored lights so I didn’t have to do that part. I did manage to string the two strands of tinsel around to where they look decent. I put up the five Star Wars ornaments that he brought home and the tree still looks kind of naked, but we’ll fix that. We’ll add more ornaments every year until we have a tree full of gaudy bobbles. I’m all for the thing looking hideous due to having too many ornaments that don’t match at all. I’m one hundred percent ready for it.

So now, we have this neat little tree up in our living room. The cat has already tried to get under it and look around, but I’ve chased him off of it. I really don’t want him to knock it down. I worked damn hard on this thing and I’m proud of our little tree.

I look at this tree and I see the love that my husband has for me. He didn’t want a tree, but I expressed a need for it and he got it for me. That’s how I know our love is real.

Lee has decided to go to bed early and that leaves me sitting and watching YouTube alone. I could head to bed as well, but he went to bed after I whined and so I can only assume that I’ve done something. Rather than crawl straight into bed with him, I’m going to give him his space and allow him to get to sleep before I go in there.

The past week has been full of things happening.

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I haven’t blogged in a month and, honestly, I have no real excuse.

Oh, I can give you excuses (I was sick; my man was sick; I was busy; I was tired; I was depressed), but none of them really amount to much considering all I have to do is drop a short paragraph into this thing and, ta dah!, I’ve blogged. There are so many things I’d like to talk about without really talking to anyone about them. My wedding. My feeling of failure. My constant feelings of dissatisfaction and malaise. Above all, my intense anger over any and everything that isn’t how I expect it to be. Lately, the anger itself has given into the malaise and boredom, but I’d prefer the anger just because it’s an actual feeling.

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I’m sad that it’s Wednesday already.

I don’t feel like I’ve had a whole vacation simply, because I’ve been fielding calls/texts from work almost every day. If it’s not one thing, it’s another. I swear these people can’t function without me and I’m the one that puts in the least amount of time there. I suppose that it just proves I’m a needed asset at my job? It’s still annoying to be off, but not really off.

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Well, my dearly beloved recently informed me that he’s been reading all my blog posts which made me feel a variety of different emotions all at once. First, I was embarrassed, because someone I actually know was reading my blog. Next, I was horrified, because it was my man reading my blog. It’s a strange thing when someone you know and love is reading your thoughts, feelings, or writings. I always feel more comfortable sharing these things with strangers than I do with people close to me. I can’t figure out why that is. Maybe it’s because I feel like strangers aren’t going to confront me when my thoughts get as strange as I know they can get? I’m not really sure what it is that makes me feel uncomfortable. Possibly it’s because I lose the anonymity of the internet when I know the person who is reading what I’m writing. I think that’s the one thing that has always allowed me to be comfortable sharing my writing and thoughts.

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