Posts Tagged ‘money’

My husband has gotten me playing World of Warcraft lately and, honestly, I’m enjoying it. I used to think that WoW was the devil. It was an addictive thing that took time away from real things, but now I’m not as militant about that. I was wanting to play WoW this morning, but it’s Tuesday and that means it’s down until this afternoon for maintenance. My husband hogs the laptop to play the game and then, when I finally pry it away from him, it’s maintenance day. 😦

He’s worried himself sick about this job thing, literally. He had to call out Monday and that only made it all worse. I’ve decided that I shouldn’t put that much pressure on him. I shouldn’t ask more of him than is available. If he can’t get anything that makes more than minimum wage, then that’s fine. At least he’s contributing to the household. I can accept that and we can try to move up from there. I’ll start saving for my certification exam and I’ll make the move to find a better paying job. That’s the best way to go. I should push to better myself and my situation in order to make sure our lives together are better. I can’t fix him; I can only fix myself.

Otherwise, things are okay. We acquired a kitten a couple weeks ago. He’s adorable and I love him. Lee named him Zero and, other than a gimpy leg and some stubborn ear mites, he’s a healthy little squirt. Adorable, playful, and full of energy. He’s been a nice distraction from what all has been going on with us. Our tomcat, Houdini, has been slowly warming up to Zero. They’re playing together right now and it’s adorable watching ‘Dini run from a kitten that has a gimpy back leg and is, literally, a third of his size.

Oh, I went to town yesterday and got two new pairs of shoes. I’ve been holding onto a gift card since my wedding and have kept telling myself (and my assistant) that I was going to go to town and get a new pair of shoes, but I hadn’t. This weekend my assistant suggested that we go shopping. She needed to go to town to get some things for her daughter’s pagent Saturday and knew I needed to go get shoes. We planned to meet at the mall and spend the afternoon shopping once her daughter got out of class.

Oddly enough, even with the kids being crazy, I had a good time. I don’t usually like kids, but her kids are great. They’re full of energy and pretty well-behaved. The six-year-old got a little cranky, but we were dragging her everywhere around the mall so I figure that was why. Plus, I was paying more attention to the baby, because she was fussy. She was the wiggliest baby I’ve ever seen and the only way to keep her happy was to keep her moving. I’m actually pretty good with kids even though it’s an awkward thing for me. I’m not a “mommy” person. I’m more of a “fun aunt.” Kids adore me, but I don’t know what to do with them. The baby was great though. I just pushed her around in the stroller while my friend paid and bounced her around while they shopped for pagent shoes. It was pretty easy. Doesn’t make me want any of my own, but I wouldn’t mind hanging with her again (even with the kids).

It was super awesome to go out with someone that wasn’t family or one of the boys. We did chick-ish things and just had an amazing time. Hopefully, we’ll go do it again and make it something we do every so often. Makes me feel somewhat normal.


So, not long after my last post, I managed to destroy my laptop. You wouldn’t believe what I did. I accidentally kicked the damn thing off of my ottoman and, though I caught it before it bounced really hard, it did hit somewhat heavily on the end of the power cord. I think that knocked something in the hard drive loose, because, a few moments after I sat it back onto my little desk, it failed miserably. We’ve had our repaired laptop back for a few weeks, but I haven’t been in a blogging mood. I haven’t been in any kind of mood really.

I think I’ve given up completely on trying to keep any creative outlet. Writing is no longer a pleasure. It’s more of something that I do, because I feel like I have to do it. I want to enjoy writing again, but I think there’s just too much going on in my real life to try to write any kind of drama in a pretend world, no matter how badly I need to do it.

My husband’s job is closing down in May.

I’ll give you a moment to digest that.


I find that my happiness is based less on who I am and more on who I was. As I get further from the past I feel dissatisfied with my future.

My future is full of love and laughter but I dread it every step of the way. As the things I treasure spiral into oblivion I feel crushed.

Anxiety about my future cripples me. “Cold feet,” I suppose. I’m not where I thought I would be. I’m in a better place.

I made these tweets this morning and I could have gone on, but I decided to use my blog before I got ready to get my windshield replaced. I’ve come to the realization that my life is nowhere near what I thought it would be. Then again, I didn’t necessarily have very high hopes for my own future. I never saw myself as a writer. I never saw myself as married. I knew I wasn’t going to have children. Hell, I’m surprised I even finished college. You could say that my expectations for my own life weren’t very high.

As I think about my life now, I realize that my expectations haven’t risen much. My anxiety, on the other hand, has multiplied. Part of me feels as if it’s leftover from the traumas that I’ve happened to experience through random happenstance. My anxiety has caused me to separate myself from all the things I love. I withdraw from others and find excuses, reasonable and logical excuses, to exclude myself. I feel lonely even though I’m not alone anymore. I don’t pretend to understand it either.


My manly man and I did some more wedding planning this week.

I woke up to go to a meeting on Tuesday and found him gone at one in the afternoon. I had a slight panic moment, but I thought maybe he went to work early. I shot him a text and he called me while I was on the way to my meeting. He had gone to do some wedding footwork before work and got better quotes on the tuxes for the wedding. Seven tuxes, grey in color and including all the odds and ends, will cost about $960. That’s the best quote he had. Honestly, out of all the expenses, we’re only asking the guys to pay for their travel and their tuxes. I don’t see that as entirely unreasonable.

I’m starting to look forward to the wedding. We went together Wednesday to look at the church and talk to the gentleman who was running things. They’re in the middle of changing pastors so they don’t have a dedicated pastor, but it turns out the man he was wanting to marry us is their current pastor. I took this as a wonderful sign of fate and I’ve urged him to call him and speak to him about it. I know he’s looking forward to the wedding even more now. The church isn’t going to charge us anything and it is a super huge place. It will be a wonderful wedding.

I called my mother and let her know. She was happy that I was happy, but now more questions have been raised. Do we want to have the reception on site or off site? Are we having dinner or just a cake/cookie kind of reception? When are we going to do the photos? Ugh. So much to do and so little time to do it. I’ve got to get my invitations out soon so I’m going to have to start collecting addresses as soon as possible. I will probably start sending out messages and calling people this week in order to get that worked out.

Such a mess. I hope I can survive it all.

It’s payday again and, well, the money is already spent. Again. For two checks in a row, I’ve had to pay bills and use pretty much every dime to make sure the bills were paid. I didn’t realize just how much it would be for us to live where we live. Were it not for the fact that my man gets our satellite for the price of working where he works then we wouldn’t have it at all. The internet alone is nearly seventy dollars (middle of fucking NOWHERE), but we use it more than we use the actual television. I mean, I use the TV now, because I now have several primetime shows that I love. Arrow, Supernatural (more him than me), Psych (I don’t like this one at all), and The Science Channel (definitely my channel) fill our home weekly. I am DEEPLY in love with Arrow. I have been following it since day one and enjoy the hell out of it. The season finale is next week and, Jesus, I’m looking forward to it. That’s well beyond the point I’m making, but I must spread the world of the great Green Arrow and how awesome they’ve made him on The CW.


Have you ever wanted to do something with all your heart, but know for a fact that it would scare the shit out of you while doing it? That’s how I feel about going to Japan.

All my life, I’ve wanted to go to Asia, particularly Japan, and see the sights there. Everything about Asia is so awesome to me. I’ve always wondered if, maybe, one of my past lives was from there. Yeah, I believe in past lives. It’s a little weird, but it’s the only way for me to explain how I can feel so drawn to the things I’m drawn toward. This morning, I’ve been watching a show about the historic innovations of Japan (Science Channel nerd) and all it has done is made me want to go there even more. This, on top of fact that my man told me he’s wanted to go there forever, has got me scheming a little bit.

The scheme is this. If I can save up around $5,000, I should be able to plan a trip for myself and my man to Japan by our fifth anniversary. This means I’m going to have to start tucking away even more money than I am now. I’m going to have to find ways to cut money out of my bills and get myself motivated to do it. It scares the shit out of me, but I really want to do it. I want to experience adventure with my man like he always does when he goes off on his own.

You haven’t blogged in two weeks. You should do that.

That was what my man said to me nearly a week ago. Had it not been for me telling myself that I was way too busy or way too sick, I think I might have sat down and blogged. I was getting over everything and then started to come down with a sore throat and sinus trouble again Tuesday night. Ugh. It’s getting damn annoying to be constantly sick. I may have to actually go see my physician this week if I don’t start feeling better. Part of me thinks that the reason I keep getting sick is because my significant other likes to live in a FREEZER! Every time I wake up my nose is running and my throat is sore, because our new bedroom is so damn cold and he has the ceiling fan running. I don’t know if we need to change any of the arrangements we have or what, but I’m going to have to do something eventually if I don’t get better.