Posts Tagged ‘prepare’

So, not long after my last post, I managed to destroy my laptop. You wouldn’t believe what I did. I accidentally kicked the damn thing off of my ottoman and, though I caught it before it bounced really hard, it did hit somewhat heavily on the end of the power cord. I think that knocked something in the hard drive loose, because, a few moments after I sat it back onto my little desk, it failed miserably. We’ve had our repaired laptop back for a few weeks, but I haven’t been in a blogging mood. I haven’t been in any kind of mood really.

I think I’ve given up completely on trying to keep any creative outlet. Writing is no longer a pleasure. It’s more of something that I do, because I feel like I have to do it. I want to enjoy writing again, but I think there’s just too much going on in my real life to try to write any kind of drama in a pretend world, no matter how badly I need to do it.

My husband’s job is closing down in May.

I’ll give you a moment to digest that.

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It’s been quite a while since I’ve written anything about myself or the wedding. Things are going okay and there’s only been a few hiccups. The biggest one is that my Man of Honor just backed out of being in the wedding due to personal problems. I’m not upset at him, because he’s having some seriously rough times right now, but now I feel like I have to start all over. I am considering asking a friend’s girl to take his place though I think my brother wins the prize and gets to be my Man of Honor (just like he wanted to begin with). I think my buddy’s girl would be happy to be in the wedding, even if she’s an alternate. Plus, she could walk out with her man and it would be adorable. I sent a message to my friend to see if he’s super serious about backing out, even if I volunteer to pay for his tux, and if he is then I’ll message my buddy’s girl and see what she says. She’s got five weeks to get a nice dress and she was wanting to do that anyway so it’s not a problem.

The flowers are all done. I’ve ordered my cake toppers. My man’s ring is in. Other than the fact that  my mother doesn’t seem too keen on sharing what’s going on, we’re just about finished. My dress is slated to be in on October 1st and that’s the day of my fitting. My mother is taking off that day to go with me and do my hair. My future mother-in-law will be off that day as well so I’ve invited her to come with us since she hasn’t seen the dress up close. We’re going to spend the day doing wedding things and, hopefully, I’ll get to take a look at what she has planned. I’m really worried that it’s going to look like a bad prom. That’s my biggest fear. Otherwise, I’m ready to get this show on the road. đŸ™‚

One of the blogs I follow linked to an Online Plot Generator and I’m considering using it once a week to try to get some creative energy flowing. The plots it generates are extremely vague, but just enough to generate a tiny idea in my brain. I read one and instantly had an idea for something. Had it not been for the fact that I was fixing to cook dinner then I would have sat down and written something for it.

Dinner last night was excellent, by the way. We managed to pick up some pork steaks when we went grocery shopping and I fried a couple of those for my man. I haven’t had pork in a while, because our budget was so tight. We were able to be a little splurgier on some of the meat this time, because the bills are all paid. It was well worth it. I baked a couple of them so they’re going to be my lunch today while my man is at work. Now I just have to finish the dishes. Bleh.

The wedding is looming. My mother is wanting to finalize some details this week and my whole body is just against that idea. I don’t want to do it. It’s too much trouble and too scary for me. I’m really starting to feel the pressure and, honestly, it shouldn’t feel like pressure. We’re going to be married and it’s going to be a good thing. I’m just one of those people who are scarred by their past and too scared that things might go back to that. I know I shouldn’t be afraid with such a nice man in my life, but you can’t help that sometimes.

My manly man and I did some more wedding planning this week.

I woke up to go to a meeting on Tuesday and found him gone at one in the afternoon. I had a slight panic moment, but I thought maybe he went to work early. I shot him a text and he called me while I was on the way to my meeting. He had gone to do some wedding footwork before work and got better quotes on the tuxes for the wedding. Seven tuxes, grey in color and including all the odds and ends, will cost about $960. That’s the best quote he had. Honestly, out of all the expenses, we’re only asking the guys to pay for their travel and their tuxes. I don’t see that as entirely unreasonable.

I’m starting to look forward to the wedding. We went together Wednesday to look at the church and talk to the gentleman who was running things. They’re in the middle of changing pastors so they don’t have a dedicated pastor, but it turns out the man he was wanting to marry us is their current pastor. I took this as a wonderful sign of fate and I’ve urged him to call him and speak to him about it. I know he’s looking forward to the wedding even more now. The church isn’t going to charge us anything and it is a super huge place. It will be a wonderful wedding.

I called my mother and let her know. She was happy that I was happy, but now more questions have been raised. Do we want to have the reception on site or off site? Are we having dinner or just a cake/cookie kind of reception? When are we going to do the photos? Ugh. So much to do and so little time to do it. I’ve got to get my invitations out soon so I’m going to have to start collecting addresses as soon as possible. I will probably start sending out messages and calling people this week in order to get that worked out.

Such a mess. I hope I can survive it all.

Because of my own inability to get organized, I recently drafted my mother as my wedding planner. I have no clue what I’m doing. They say that every little girl plans their wedding day, but clearly “they” did not understand that I’m a science dork that cared more for learning and sports than I ever cared about my wedding day. I never really saw myself getting married. My dad asked me Tuesday about marriage and I said that, “It seemed like a good idea.” For the most part, it still does. I see myself spending a very long time with my man and so why shouldn’t we be married?

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I haven’t blogged in a month and, honestly, I have no real excuse.

Oh, I can give you excuses (I was sick; my man was sick; I was busy; I was tired; I was depressed), but none of them really amount to much considering all I have to do is drop a short paragraph into this thing and, ta dah!, I’ve blogged. There are so many things I’d like to talk about without really talking to anyone about them. My wedding. My feeling of failure. My constant feelings of dissatisfaction and malaise. Above all, my intense anger over any and everything that isn’t how I expect it to be. Lately, the anger itself has given into the malaise and boredom, but I’d prefer the anger just because it’s an actual feeling.

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I’ve been on vacation for three days already and that makes me sad.

I’m sad, because most of what I’ve done for the past three days is sleep and do nothing constructive. I did manage to put my closet together and get everything out of the floor. I’ve set my shoes out and put my suitcases on the top shelf of the big closet. I’m feeling slightly more at home in my own home now. It’s a good thing. Still looking around at the stuff in the spare room and trying to figure out where it will all go. I’ve got some family photos that I want to set out, but I’m not sure where I can set them. I kind of think that we need another table in the bedroom or some shelves in the living room so that I can put my family photos up. It’s a space issue really. A second bedroom nightstand would possibly be the easiest fix for it really. That’s what I’m leaning toward.

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